Gaddafi Killed; Mauled by Tiger in Ohio

Cat to Receive Presidential Medal of Freedom

ZANESVILLE (The Borowitz Report) – A grim chapter in the history of Libya came to a close today when fugitive dictator Muammar Gaddafi was mauled to death by an escaped tiger in Zanesville, Ohio.

At the Central Intelligence Agency, a spokesman stopped short of speculating how the Libyan strongman somehow made his way to the remote Ohio town, saying only, “We didn’t plan on Gaddafi being taken out this way, but a win’s a win.”

The tiger, a longtime Zanesville resident, is being flown to the White House where she will receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

In a brief statement, President Barack Obama said, “Under my watch, we’ve killed both Osama bin Laden and Muammar Gaddafi.  That really should be enough to reelect me, especially if I’m running against a pizza man.”

Meanwhile, on the campaign trail, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn) offered this comment on Gaddafi’s death: “Muammar Gaddafi will no longer live to terrorize Asia.”  

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